One way to deal with overwhelming emotions is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:

• Manage anxiety

• Reduce stress

• Cope with depression

• Process life events

• Document your personal progress

When you have a problem and you’re stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can develop a plan to address the issues and reduce your stress.

Being someone’s narcissistic supply is a heavy weight to carry for many reasons. The longer the system stays in place, the more it seems like they can’t survive without you and therefore must control you. So, privacy? Yeah, that becomes a thing of the past. For me, it was my friends and my money that he refused to leave alone. So, to give myself space from him and everything else, I started journaling again. In my journal, I could win the argument, tell the truth about what happened to me with no recourse, and, most importantly, avoid conflict with a man who thrived on arguments. My journals started turning into prayers, talking directly to God about what was going on and how I was feeling. But more importantly, they were creating a chain of truth that would come back to my reality later, at just the right time.

Just like so many other narcissistic abuse victims, I checked myself over and over when things fell apart at the end of my marriage. Asking myself if I made the right decision, or if it was really as bad as I remembered it. Then I heard God say, “Why don’t you read your journal?” and that broke me. I read my own words, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, tear-stained pages that would not let me see anything but the realization that things really did happen the way I remembered….in fact, it was worse.

“I feel I’m not good enough as a wife because he complains about our sex. I’m not good enough as a mom because he picks on my methods of mothering. He really doesn’t seem to care that I’m breaking under his scrutiny,” - August 10, 2019. This was 2 months after having twins at 38.

“I cry every day now because of something he has said or done. I can’t talk to him about it; he doesn’t care about how I feel.”

“I don’t feel any type of confidence anymore. I suck at everything. I can’t breastfeed my babies right, I can’t satisfy my husband, I can’t do my job……”

Guys, it went on for pages like this… across the span of years. The particular journal I have here is the one I started after my late-in-life twin pregnancy, where I was in the most delicate of conditions. Many of the entries talk about how I wished he would be more sensitive to me, try to understand how hard the whole ordeal was for me physically, and how that didn’t mean I didn’t love my babies. My journal reminded me that the birth of my twins led me to the truth, which led me to freedom.

How Journaling has helped in the aftermath.

Journaling about my life after freedom has been monumental in my recovery. It has helped me to take a proper inventory of my progress, which can be hard when you’ve been through trauma. It has also helped with understanding the details of what I am dealing with, specifically behind certain events. While it definitely helps to have a therapist analyze your situation, reading your own words can give you true clarity on how you need to work through your own healing. My journal has become my record of how I’ve grown, giving me insight into my own internal changes. This is something you likely won’t detect unless an outsider tells you about it. And finally, the most important reward from my journal is the ability to see that my decision to leave my abuser was the right thing. It feels good when someone compliments your hard work on yourself, but it feels amazing when you can see that work for yourself.

So I encourage you to find a way to journal yourself through this change in your life. Your experiences today are more valuable to future you than you could ever imagine.

If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith — it is an act of courage and wisdom. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available.

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I was married to my narcissistic husband for a total of 15 years. Of course, as his wife, it was expected that I would know him intimately. Besides knowing his favorite foods or the names of his friends, I also knew his personality intimately. Over time, his narcissistic personality would take more of a presence in our relationship, causing me to adjust repeatedly to accommodate it. I stopped questioning his judgment, centered my daily life around satisfying him, and didn’t question his selfish behavior.

What I didn’t realize over the course of time was that I was beginning to isolate myself in a way that would appear to be narcissistic later in my free life.

• Self-Centeredness: At first, thinking of taking care of myself seemed like righteous behavior. But the more I sank into the anger from my abuse, what I saw as righteous self-care was drifting into self-centered behavior. I struggled to be happy for others, sometimes only wanting to talk about what negative thing was happening to me. Wow, that is hard to write, but this time is for being transparent, right? Please do not get me wrong, I fully agree that someone under the cloud of narcissistic abuse deserves time to pour into themselves and find new life. I just know that everything comes with balance. Did I deserve to pour into my new self? Yes. But did I want newer, better relationships with my friends and family? Also yes. That requires learning how to relate again and finding the good in people after being so blinded for years.

• Negative Mentality: Years of not seeing peace in my daily life made me a… ‘Negative Nancy??’ Everything was doom and gloom. Again, I wasn’t even aware of being like this till someone pointed out that I didn’t celebrate any of the good things they had just excitedly told me about. I will tell you, negative thinking is like an addiction; this habit was hard to admit to and hard to break. I found that mindful speaking was my first step toward making a change. Listening to hear and process before listening to respond made a huge difference in my mentality. Now, I’m not always one to rain on someone’s parade.

• Never saying No: As the subject of a narcissist’s supply, I was groomed into always being available, always wanting to bend over backward to please him. I sought that validation and found small dopamine hits when I got scraps from him. This grooming built a habit of never saying no to anything. I was always available, always made money, time, or resources appear, whether I really could or not. I wanted easier days and to avoid arguments as much as possible, so this man got everything he asked for at the moment. Now that I’m free….I’ve continued this bad habit in my new life. It manifests when I’ve overbooked myself or made a commitment I’m not really interested in. Learning to say no has been life-changing and scary for me. Doing too much was all I knew.

There is no magic sauce behind changing bad habits. You can only change bad habits with good habits, bolstered by good mindsets. To be fully transparent, I am still working on this. But one thing that has helped me with stopping these behaviors is accountability and journaling. I established tools such as a habit tracker and daily journaling about my life to give myself a lens to see the truth. I also forced myself to take heed to what people around me were saying. Remember, the fog has lifted in your life…. And there will be truths exposed that are hard to swallow. But change is good, and the first sign of true healing.

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If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith — it is an act of courage and wisdom.

You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available

So you are ready to move on from a narcissistic relationship. But you know this habit of being “too hard” has grown within you. Can you learn to make room for the possible future? Have your efforts to be independent backfired, and now you can’t move on with someone new?

Let’s talk about toxic independence—because it’s real.

What is Toxic Independence?

Toxic independence is the mental train of thought that tells you nobody can be depended upon.

When a person has endured neglect or emotional abuse, this mindset doesn’t just appear—it forms as protection. But when it comes to narcissistic abuse, it goes even deeper. Victims will do anything to avoid being verbally attacked, dismissed, or emotionally unsafe. Over time, independence becomes less about strength… and more about survival.

Why Narcissistic Abuse Creates This

Fear of being criticized for reaching out

You learn quickly that asking for help can come at a cost. When your thoughts, needs, or concerns are met with sarcasm or dismissal, you stop reaching. Not because you don’t need support—but because the emotional risk becomes too high.

Repeated disappointment

When someone consistently promises support but fails to deliver, your brain adapts. You stop expecting anything. You build backup plans. You learn to rely only on yourself—not because you want to, but because you feel like you have to.

Fear of being controlled

Control doesn’t always look obvious. Sometimes it shows up through finances, decision-making, or subtle restrictions. Over time, even when you are capable and independent, you begin to feel like asking or depending equals losing control.

The Problem No One Talks About

At some point, what protected you… starts limiting you.

You stop asking.
You stop trusting.
You stop allowing support—even when it’s safe.

And now, even in healthy environments, you’re still operating like you’re under attack.

Breaking this mindset isn’t just about “letting people in.” It’s deeper than that.

It requires:

• retraining your thinking

• recognizing your patterns

• and intentionally practicing something your brain no longer trusts

In the subscriber section, I’m going to walk through what this actually looks like in real life—including the exact habits I had to unlearn and the steps I’m still actively practicing to change this pattern.

Breaking this mindset is hard—there’s no other way to say it.

For me, this has been one of the longest and most difficult parts of recovery. Because toxic independence doesn’t feel like a problem at first. It feels like strength. It feels like control. It even feels like safety.

But over time, I realized something uncomfortable:

I wasn’t just protecting myself—I was isolating myself. I had to make some changes in order to see a change in mindset.

1. Mental Compartmentalization (This changed everything for me)

One of the biggest shifts I had to make was learning not to group everyone into the same category.

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“You are on your own with that.”

Those words echoed in my mind long after they were spoken. Something shifted inside me that day. I understood, with terrifying clarity, that if I didn’t find my way out of the life I was living, I might not survive it emotionally — or spiritually.

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Who I Am…….as a Survivor

Hi. I’m Steffie Jean-Lee.

I’m a Christian, a mother, a writer, and a survivor of domestic and emotional abuse. I believe that when God allows us to survive painful circumstances, it is often because our testimony will help someone else find their freedom.

My journey into narcissistic abuse recovery didn’t happen overnight. It was shaped by years of putting my life on hold, giving more than I had, and becoming deeply accustomed to shrinking myself for others' comfort.

Eventually, I looked in the mirror and saw a woman who was completely drained. That was the moment I knew something had to change.

Rebuilding My Identity After Emotional Abuse

Creating the identity “Steffie Jean-Lee” was part of reclaiming myself.

For years, my desire for expression had been suppressed. Stepping into visibility felt terrifying and freeing at the same time. Healing required both big changes and small daily adjustments — learning to recognize unhealthy thought patterns, redefining relationships, and rebuilding a sense of personal worth.

As I began this process, I noticed something important.

There were many resources explaining narcissistic abuse. But there were far fewer conversations about what recovery actually looks like in everyday life.

How do survivors rebuild routines?

How do we form healthier relationships?

How do we move forward in careers, faith, and family life after trauma?

Why I Created This Platform for Abuse Survivors

This space exists to focus on renewal.

Not just understanding abuse — but understanding what comes after survival.

I want to explore how survivors can build new normals, unlearn survival habits, and create healthier futures. This includes making difficult decisions about who remains in our lives, what patterns we release, and how we move forward with purpose.

I call this community C.E.O.s:

Crowned. Empowered. Overcomers.

Because being targeted by narcissistic or emotional abuse is not the end of our story.

Recovery is where a new story begins.

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