<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd" xmlns:googleplay="http://www.google.com/schemas/play-podcasts/1.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Steffie’s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers']]></title><description><![CDATA[Welcome to the Steffie Jean-Lee C.E.O Society, where domestic narcissistic abuse survivors are regaining their boss status in their lives!]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com</link><image><url>https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!m-Tf!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F364e7ede-2476-47e5-801c-fbf664991431_840x840.png</url><title>Steffie’s C.E.O Survivors- &apos;Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers&apos;</title><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com</link></image><generator>Substack</generator><lastBuildDate>Mon, 24 Aug 2026 09:53:51 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><copyright><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></copyright><language><![CDATA[en]]></language><webMaster><![CDATA[steffiejeanlee@substack.com]]></webMaster><itunes:owner><itunes:email><![CDATA[steffiejeanlee@substack.com]]></itunes:email><itunes:name><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></itunes:name></itunes:owner><itunes:author><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></itunes:author><googleplay:owner><![CDATA[steffiejeanlee@substack.com]]></googleplay:owner><googleplay:email><![CDATA[steffiejeanlee@substack.com]]></googleplay:email><googleplay:author><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></googleplay:author><itunes:block><![CDATA[Yes]]></itunes:block><item><title><![CDATA[The Charismatic Trap: How Corporate Systems Groom Narcissistic Leaders—and Destroy Their Teams]]></title><description><![CDATA[People rarely leave bad work, they leave bad management.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-charismatic-trap-how-corporate</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-charismatic-trap-how-corporate</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 18 Aug 2026 01:56:58 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624555130581-1d9cca783bc0?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8Ym9hcmQlMjBtZWV0aW5nfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NjY0NjU3M3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s a story as old as the modern day corporate America.</p><p>A company faces an existential threat&#8212;technological disruption, a looming recession, or a failing business model. Anxious for a savior, the board scans the horizon. They find an executive who is outgoing, fiercely confident, and dazzlingly charismatic. This leader promises a bold vision to &#8220;change the world.&#8221; They are hired with fanfare, corporate perks, endless trust, and anointed as the hero who will steer the ship through the storm.</p><p>Then, the honeymoon ends.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624555130581-1d9cca783bc0?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8Ym9hcmQlMjBtZWV0aW5nfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NjY0NjU3M3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624555130581-1d9cca783bc0?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8Ym9hcmQlMjBtZWV0aW5nfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NjY0NjU3M3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, 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https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624555130581-1d9cca783bc0?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8Ym9hcmQlMjBtZWV0aW5nfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NjY0NjU3M3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624555130581-1d9cca783bc0?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8Ym9hcmQlMjBtZWV0aW5nfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NjY0NjU3M3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"></figcaption></figure></div><p>Soon, the bold vision reveals itself to be a reckless pursuit of personal glory. Dynamic voices are systematically silenced. Anyone not in compliance is left behind, intentionally. The office culture curdles into paranoia, and the workforce is left walking on eggshells, battling severe burnout. Does this sound familiar? If you&#8217;ve battled a narcissist in your personal relationships, you may be able to detect the same demons in the office leadership. </p><p>Why does this happen so consistently? Why do corporate boards keep falling for the same trap, and how exactly do these leaders dismantle organizations from the inside out?</p><p>Drawing on deep research from the Stanford Graduate School of Business, Psychology Today, and Ohio State University&#8217;s Fisher College of Business, let&#8217;s pull back the curtain on <strong>narcissistic corporate leadership</strong>: what drives these leaders, how corporate processes actively recruit them, and the devastating toll they leave in their wake.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>The Anatomy of Corporate Narcissism: Grandiose vs. Constructive</strong></h2><p>To understand the problem, we must first look at the leadership itself. Narcissism exists on a continuum, and in professional settings, we aren&#8217;t necessarily talking about a clinical diagnosis (like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which affects less than 1% of the population). Instead, we are looking at subclinical personality traits characterized by grandiosity, self-absorption, and an insatiable craving for admiration.</p><p>Psychologists and organizational researchers divide narcissism in leadership into distinct categories:</p><ul><li><p><strong>Constructive (or Charismatic) Narcissism:</strong> This is a &#8220;healthy&#8221; dose of narcissism. These leaders have a hefty enough ego to take risks and rally teams around a visionary goals, but they maintain a sense of partnership and systems. Think of Herb Kelleher, the legendary co-founder of Southwest Airlines, who maintained profitability for 30 years by creating a culture of connectedness, fun, and genuine inspiration.</p></li><li><p><strong>Grandiose (or Reactive) Narcissism:</strong> This is the danger zone. Unlike the common myth that bullies have secretly low self-esteem and are &#8220;just compensating,&#8221; grandiose narcissists actually possess incredibly high, highly resilient self-esteem. They are extroverted, agentic, and highly dangerous.</p></li></ul><p>Grandiose narcissists believe they are fundamentally superior to others and, consequently, <strong>not subject to the same rules and norms</strong> as everyone else. Research indicates they have lower levels of integrity: their words and deeds rarely align, and they are significantly more likely to lie, cheat, and steal to validate their special status.</p><p>Even worse, <strong>power disinhibits them</strong>. When they ascend to a position of authority, it validates their sense of entitlement and encourages them to indulge their worst instincts. If they achieve early success, it chips away at their hold on reality, leaving them convinced they know better than any expert.</p><div><hr></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers' is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p></p><h2><strong>The Incubation Lab: How Corporate Processes Recruit Narcissists</strong></h2><p>Narcissistic leaders do not seize power in a vacuum; <strong>corporate systems actively groom and select them</strong>. Several critical organizational flaws serve as an incubation lab for toxic leadership:</p><h3><strong>The Interview Trap</strong></h3><p>When corporate boards select CEOs (especially external candidates), they rely heavily on job interviews. But <strong>interviews play directly to a narcissist&#8217;s core strengths</strong>. Narcissists are absolute masters of self-presentation and impression management. They are naturally outgoing, flashy, and confident, making a stunning first impression that boards easily mistake for leadership competence.</p><h3><strong>The Fallacy of Faked Performance</strong></h3><p>Narcissists are expert self-promoters. They blithely take credit for the work of others and, in some cases, even falsify results to paint themselves as indispensable. Because boards often look at superficial performance metrics without investigating <em>how</em> those metrics were achieved, they reward the loudest self-promoter rather than the most competent team player.</p><h3><strong>The Venture Capital &#8220;Grandiosity Model&#8221;</strong></h3><p>In times of high anxiety and technological upheaval, people naturally crave a hero. Venture capitalists and boards often favor the candidate who offers a grandiose &#8220;visionary spiel&#8221; over an introverted engineer or a realistic operator. As Stanford&#8217;s Charles A. O&#8217;Reilly notes, the VC business model is predicated on grandiosity: investing in ten startups hoping one pays off massive means they are naturally drawn to the leader who aggressively asserts they will change the world.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>The Workforce Toll: How Narcissists Destroy from Within</strong></h2><p>Once a reactive narcissist is firmly entrenched in power, the effects cascade through the workforce like a slow-poison drip. The damage manifests across three core dimensions:</p><h3><strong>The First-Impression Decay</strong></h3><p>At first, employees are often excited to work for a charismatic leader. But the charm is short-lived. In study settings, peers initially rated narcissistic individuals as warm, warm-hearted, and entertaining. However, after just a few hours of working together, those ratings completely reversed: the narcissists were seen as hostile, arrogant, and cold. Because narcissists only care about agentic domains (power, superiority, admiration) and ignore communal values (trust, caring, helpfulness), their visionary appeal quickly decouples from their followers.</p><h3><strong>The Rise of &#8220;Toadyism&#8221; and Culture Corrosion</strong></h3><p>A narcissistic leader cannot tolerate dissent. To consolidate power, they systematically silence divergent voices and fire anyone who challenges them.</p><p>In their place, they build a cadre of <strong>toadies, opportunists, and enablers</strong> who are equally guided by self-interest and short on scruples. This shifts the organizational culture from collaborative to highly individualistic and cutthroat. To survive in this environment, employees are faced with a grim choice: either scheme, suck up, and withhold information, or face exclusion and elimination.</p><h3><strong>Severe Burnout, Gaslighting, and Trauma</strong></h3><p>Because narcissists view other human beings as tools to be exploited and discarded, they feel no compunction in abusing underlings. Abusive behaviors&#8212;including swearing, name-calling, public humiliation, and <strong>gaslighting</strong> (manipulating someone into questioning their own memory and perception of reality)&#8212;become normalized.</p><p>The human cost is severe. Employees under narcissistic bosses report:</p><ul><li><p>Anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms resembling PTSD.</p></li><li><p>A total depletion of energy both inside and outside of work.</p></li><li><p>A deep sense of apathy, where they no longer care about their performance.</p></li><li><p>A culture of walking on eggshells, too terrified to share data-backed opinions.</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers'&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers'</span></a></p><p></p><h2><strong>Breaking the Cycle: What Must Change</strong></h2><p>We are not helpless. The data is clear: narcissistic leaders are highly unlikely to change, but organizations can change how they manage them.</p><ul><li><p><strong>Ditch the Interview Bias:</strong> Boards must look beyond self-presentation. Instead of relying on flashy interview performances, search committees must conduct rigorous background checks, specifically interviewing former peers, subordinates, and collaborators who have seen the candidate operate day-to-day.</p></li><li><p><strong>Implement &#8220;Empathy-Focused&#8221; Coaching &amp; Partnering:</strong> While coaching a narcissist is incredibly difficult due to their defensiveness, progress can be made by framing behavioral change as a strategic necessity. Furthermore, pairing a visionary narcissist with a grounded, complementary partner who can act as a &#8220;filter&#8221; and buffer can help harness their drive while shielding the workforce from their dark side.</p></li><li><p><strong>Establish Clear HR and Reporting Safeties:</strong> Companies must build a culture of psychological safety with clear, retaliation-free pathways for reporting toxic behavior. If the board does not intervene to end toxic behavior in the C-suite, the cost in lost productivity and talent flight will eventually drag down the bottom line.</p></li></ul><p><strong>The Bottom Line:</strong> Narcissistic leaders can drive short-term, flashy results, but they leave behind a trail of cultural wreckage and broken teams. It is time for corporate processes to stop mistaking confidence for competence, and start valuing integrity, empathy, and sustainable growth.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-charismatic-trap-how-corporate/comments&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Leave a comment&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-charismatic-trap-how-corporate/comments"><span>Leave a comment</span></a></p><p></p><p><em><strong>Steffie Jean-Lee is a survivor of domestic abuse and coercive control.  She is the founder of SJL C.E.O  Society and has a personal mission to share her testimony with others that may be lost in the fog of abusive relationships and employment. All advise given on this platform is meant to encourage survivors to educate and free themselves of their trauma, while encouraging recovery efforts. </strong></em></p><p><em>If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith &#8212; it is an act of courage and wisdom.</em></p><p><em>God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available.</em></p><p><em>You can reach the <strong>National Domestic Violence Hotline</strong> at <strong>1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</strong>, text <strong>START to 88788</strong>, or chat at <strong>thehotline.org</strong>.</em></p><p><em>If you are in immediate danger, please call <strong>911</strong>.</em></p><div class="directMessage button" data-attrs="{&quot;userId&quot;:337594868,&quot;userName&quot;:&quot;Steffie Jean-Lee&quot;,&quot;canDm&quot;:null,&quot;dmUpgradeOptions&quot;:null,&quot;isEditorNode&quot;:true}" data-component-name="DirectMessageToDOM"></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The 'Golden Goose' Trap: Why Corporate America is a Playground for Narcissism]]></title><description><![CDATA[At the risk of sounding like a bitter person, it is my personal belief that corporate America is a breeding ground for narcissistic personality disorder.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 03 Aug 2026 14:02:45 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758691737060-3814f16d5aba?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzM3x8dW5oYXBweSUyMG9mZmljZSUyMHdvcmtlcnN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzg1NjQxMTQ0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" 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srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758691737060-3814f16d5aba?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzM3x8dW5oYXBweSUyMG9mZmljZSUyMHdvcmtlcnN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzg1NjQxMTQ0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758691737060-3814f16d5aba?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzM3x8dW5oYXBweSUyMG9mZmljZSUyMHdvcmtlcnN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzg1NjQxMTQ0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758691737060-3814f16d5aba?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzM3x8dW5oYXBweSUyMG9mZmljZSUyMHdvcmtlcnN8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzg1NjQxMTQ0fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, 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I&#8217;ve worked for over 25 years in corporate business settings, and I can tell you narcissism run rampant like oxygen in the workplace. We are trained to worship the &#8220;Wolf of Wall Street&#8221; archetype who dominates the room through a magnetic personality. To the uninitiated, these individuals appear to be the engine of organizational success.</span></p><p><span>In the corporate world, narcissism isn&#8217;t just a &#8220;difficult personality type&#8221;; it is a systemic byproduct. Our organizations do not merely tolerate these individuals; they actively manufacture &#8220;playgrounds&#8221; for them by rewarding superficial charisma over foundational character. The result is a corporate culture where the most entitled are the most elevated. Whomever presents to be the biggest and baddest seems to keep a hold of everything that&#8217;s important. Leadership positions, quarterly raises, the exciting projects, anything that means anything to a career boost is always on the radar of the office narcs.</span></p><h3><strong><span>Why the System Nurtures the Narcissist</span></strong></h3><p><span>The relationship between the narcissist and the modern corporation is a dark symbiosis. Research consistently shows a &#8220;Leadership Draw&#8221;: narcissists are disproportionately attracted to C-suite and management positions. These roles provide the power, dominance, and control necessary to offset their internal sense of inadequacy. They make the loudest noise, the charm the bosses, they manufacture their relevance and next thing you know, more qualified but less dynamic co-workers are forgotten and overlooked.</span></p><p><span>From the perspective of the &#8220;bean counters&#8221; and &#8220;risk management wonks,&#8221; the narcissist is often seen as the &#8220;Golden Goose.&#8221; Because they are fueled by a bottomless need for validation and praise, they frequently present as perfectionistic workaholics. They are the employees most willing to bend rules and ethics to ensure they&#8212;and the company&#8217;s quarterly reports&#8212;look spectacular. Ethics be damned, the office narc is normally the corporate kiss butt willing to do just about anything to achieve the validation that is like air to them.</span></p><p><strong><span>They reward the narcissistic brat.</span></strong></p><ul><li><p><strong><span>Confidence:</span></strong><span> Systematically misinterpreted by recruiters as competence, when it is often merely the absence of self-doubt.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Charisma:</span></strong><span> Weaponized to bypass character checks and manipulate stakeholders into following a &#8220;vision&#8221; that serves only the leader.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Ambition:</span></strong><span> Valorized as a drive for growth, even when it is actually a ruthless pursuit of personal dominance at the expense of team stability.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Outgoing Nature:</span></strong><span> Mistaken for high-level emotional intelligence, allowing the narcissist to network their way into roles they lack the character to hold.</span></p></li></ul><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers' is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p></p><h3><strong><span>Spotting the Red Flags: A Tactical Checklist</span></strong></h3><p><span>Identifying a narcissistic colleague requires you to look past the &#8220;charming&#8221; exterior and focus on the mechanics of their interactions.</span></p><ul><li><p><strong><span>Hogging the Spotlight:</span></strong><span> They treat every meeting as a one-man show to assert dominance.</span></p><ul><li><p><em><span>In the Office:</span></em><span> Watch for status-dropping&#8212;the constant mention of their master&#8217;s degree, high-profile connections, or celebrity acquaintances to remind everyone they are &#8220;superior.&#8221; Public status updates often are inflated in wording to sound more important.</span></p></li></ul></li><li><p><strong><span>Credit Theft:</span></strong><span> They view your intellectual labor as a raw resource for their own advancement.</span></p><ul><li><p><em><span>In the Office:</span></em><span> A project member who vanishes during the &#8220;heavy lifting&#8221; phase but fights tooth and nail to have their name listed first on the final report. I actually had a colleague lean over my shoulder to see &#8220;what are you doing?&#8221; so they could be the one to report it&#8230;.creeper.</span></p></li></ul></li><li><p><strong><span>Charisma without Follow-through:</span></strong><span> They excel at the &#8220;seduction&#8221; phase of professional life but fail the &#8220;execution&#8221; phase.</span></p><ul><li><p><em><span>In the Office:</span></em><span> The boss who makes grand, sweeping promises of raises or resources in public, yet repeatedly misses deadlines and breaks commitments once the audience is gone.</span></p></li></ul></li><li><p><strong><span>Superior/Inferior Complex:</span></strong><span> They are incapable of horizontal relationships.</span></p><ul><li><p><em><span>In the Office:</span></em><span> An individual who treats peers like subordinates and reacts with condescension if their &#8220;rank&#8221; isn&#8217;t sufficiently acknowledged.</span></p></li></ul></li><li><p><strong><span>Negative Emotion Spreading:</span></strong><span> They thrive on &#8220;pushing buttons&#8221; to create a &#8220;one-way street&#8221; of emotional volatility.</span></p><ul><li><p><em><span>In the Office:</span></em><span> A coworker who intentionally stirs up drama or triggers colleagues to elicit a reaction, but then reacts with explosive hostility if they receive even a mild critique of their own work.</span></p></li></ul></li></ul><h3><strong><span>How HR and Management Protect the &#8220;Golden Goose&#8221;</span></strong></h3><p><span>So this is where I had to learn my lesson the hard way.  Corporate America absolutely does NOT punish employees that cause toxic work environments to the tune of narcissistic behavior.  HR is always on the side of the company, not the employees. So when you go to report narcissistic behavior, be aware that HR is likely to steer the discussion underground in order to &#8216;keep the peace&#8217;, rather than address the issues.  I know, that hurts, but that is the reality of this muck of a system. If your narcissistic co-worker has a good track record at the company, they are likely to just get away with it rather than getting handled more aggressively. &#8220;Management, C-suite, and HR folks do often tend to be enablers... they&#8217;ve benefited from the structure of the company and don&#8217;t want to kill the golden goose. They would rather pathologize and gaslight the survivors.&#8221;</span></p><p><span>Organizations prioritize risk management over human welfare. Narcissists are notoriously litigious; they have a &#8220;thrill for litigation&#8221; and love the sight of a lawyer&#8217;s letterhead. Companies are fundamentally more afraid of being sued by the aggressive abuser than by the exhausted, traumatized survivor.</span></p><p><span>This institutional cowardice manifests through several silencing tools:</span></p><ul><li><p><strong><span>Therapy as Gaslighting:</span></strong><span> HR often offers the complainant &#8220;free counseling.&#8221; This is rarely a benevolent act. These counselors are often &#8220;bought and paid for&#8221; by the employer, creating a massive conflict of interest.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>The Subpoena Trap:</span></strong><span> If a survivor later sues the company, the narcissist&#8217;s legal team can subpoena those therapy records. They will use your documented anxiety, confusion, and helplessness to pathologize you, arguing that </span><em><span>you</span></em><span> were the &#8220;unstable&#8221; problem all along, while the abuser is shielded as the &#8220;stable high-performer.&#8221;</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs):</span></strong><span> The ultimate tool of the narcissistic employer. Settlements are paired with &#8220;gag orders,&#8221; leaving the survivor to &#8220;twist in the wind&#8221; while the abuser is free to find a new victim.</span></p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758520144563-a2a0d43e4af8?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMTZ8fGFuZ3J5JTIwY29ycG9yYXRlJTIwd29ya2VyfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NTY0MTM5MXww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1758520144563-a2a0d43e4af8?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMTZ8fGFuZ3J5JTIwY29ycG9yYXRlJTIwd29ya2VyfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4NTY0MTM5MXww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, 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data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share</span></a></p><h3><strong><span>Navigating the Minefield: Survival and Exit Strategies</span></strong></h3><p><span>If you are trapped in the orbit of a narcissist, you must stop trying to &#8220;fix&#8221; the relationship and start a program of radical self-protection.</span></p><p><strong><span>Protective Measures</span></strong></p><ol><li><p><strong><span>Boundaries:</span></strong><span> Narcissists view boundaries as challenges. Be firm. Say &#8220;no&#8221; without providing a lengthy justification that they can argue against.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Avoid Confrontation:</span></strong><span> Challenging a narcissist&#8212;especially in front of an audience&#8212;triggers narcissistic rage. Direct challenges often make the workplace more volatile and dangerous for you.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Strategic Documentation:</span></strong><span> This is critical. Do not attempt to document &#8220;narcissism&#8221; or personality traits, as this is legally risky and difficult to prove. Instead, document specific behaviors that violate policy&#8212;such as impulsivity, outspokenness, or documented credit theft. Focus on the &#8220;what,&#8221; not the &#8220;why.&#8221;</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>The &#8220;Grey Rock&#8221; Approach (Indifference):</span></strong><span> Disarm the narcissist by becoming as uninteresting as a grey rock. By removing the validation or &#8220;supply&#8221; they crave, you become a less attractive target for their manipulation.</span></p></li></ol><h3><strong><span>The Cost of Doing Business</span></strong></h3><p><span>The ultimate consequence of the &#8220;Golden Goose Trap&#8221; is the inevitable rot of the organization. Healthy, ethical, and high-functioning people eventually reach a point of &#8220;disgust or trauma&#8221; and leave, often walking away from significant benefits and salaries just to save their sanity.</span></p><p><span>This creates a &#8220;critical mass&#8221; of toxic individuals and their enablers. When an organization is stripped of its empathetic employees, it becomes a sinking ship&#8212;a closed loop of toxicity that eventually stops working entirely.</span></p><p><span>If you are struggling in such an environment, understand this: the system&#8217;s failure to protect you is not a reflection of your professional worth. It is the failure of a structure designed to protect the &#8220;Goose&#8221; at the expense of the worker. Choosing to leave a toxic environment isn&#8217;t &#8220;giving up&#8221;&#8212;it is a rational act of survival in the face of a broken machine.</span></p><p></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate/comments&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Leave a comment&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-golden-goose-trap-why-corporate/comments"><span>Leave a comment</span></a></p><p></p><p><em><strong>Steffie Jean-Lee is a survivor of domestic abuse and coercive control.  She is the founder of SJL C.E.O  Society and has a personal mission to share her testimony with others that may be lost in the fog of abusive relationships and employment. All advise given on this platform is meant to encourage survivors to educate and free themselves of their trauma, while encouraging recovery efforts. </strong></em></p><p><em>If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith &#8212; it is an act of courage and wisdom.</em></p><p><em>God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available.</em></p><p><em>You can reach the <strong>National Domestic Violence Hotline</strong> at <strong>1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</strong>, text <strong>START to 88788</strong>, or chat at <strong>thehotline.org</strong>.</em></p><p><em>If you are in immediate danger, please call <strong>911</strong>.</em></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers'&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers'</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You weren’t crazy, but divorce will literally drive you there.]]></title><description><![CDATA[Divorcing a toxic partner turns your world upside down, but managing your mental health is not selfish&#8212;it is your ultimate battle-plan for survival.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/you-werent-crazy-but-divorce-will</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/you-werent-crazy-but-divorce-will</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 28 Jul 2026 14:02:58 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1625520997045-e3c7366ff76e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1NHx8c3RyZXNzZWQlMjB3b21hbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODUxNTgyMDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" 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srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1625520997045-e3c7366ff76e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1NHx8c3RyZXNzZWQlMjB3b21hbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODUxNTgyMDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1625520997045-e3c7366ff76e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1NHx8c3RyZXNzZWQlMjB3b21hbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODUxNTgyMDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1625520997045-e3c7366ff76e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1NHx8c3RyZXNzZWQlMjB3b21hbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODUxNTgyMDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1625520997045-e3c7366ff76e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1NHx8c3RyZXNzZWQlMjB3b21hbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODUxNTgyMDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"></figcaption></figure></div><p><strong><span><br><br></span></strong><span>Going through a separation or divorce is far more than a legal transition; it is a battle for your reality that can turn your world completely upside down. It can feel like walking through a relentless emotional hurricane, making it incredibly difficult to get through your workday, remain productive, or function at your normal level. If you feel disoriented, exhausted, and emotionally spent, you are not alone.  Let&#8217;s not forget, you&#8217;ve been in a tornado of mental abuse in the process of getting here, so it can be hard to get on solid ground for mental health. <br><br>We often think of divorce purely as a legal, financial, or children-focused battle, but managing your mental health during this time is absolutely crucial. Let me tell you something right now: looking after your mental well-being is not selfish. </span><strong><span>It is a necessity, it is survival. </span></strong><span>Taking care of yourself is the only way to stay clear-headed, keep your feet on the ground, and handle the challenges of this difficult transition effectively. Now is not the time to try and fake the funk. I&#8217;m not saying that you can&#8217;t have a spirit of victory in the midst of it all but don&#8217;t be ignorant of how you are really faring in this process. <br><br>I am an accomplished woman that is guilty of flat out lying to herself and everyone else that I am always ok&#8230;. I&#8217;m not.  Regardless of what the world tries to tell you, we are still WOMEN and we need to acknowledge the sensitivities of that when encountering something like divorce. I&#8217;ve been in a motorcycle accident, fallen down entire flights of stairs, and given birth to twins at almost 40 years old&#8230;.nothing compared to the extended pain I felt during my divorce. So let&#8217;s keep it real ladies, and attack this head on so we can get through it.</span></p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers' is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h2><strong><span>1. Recognize the Emotional Roller Coaster (And Give Yourself a Break)</span></strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong><span>Accept the Chaos of Feelings: </span></strong><span>It is entirely normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, confused, and deeply anxious about what the unknown future holds. Accept that these intense reactions are a normal part of the process and will lessen over time. Even if you are leaving an unhealthy marriage, the shift in your identity is jarring.</span></p></li></ul><ul><li><p><strong><span>Drop the Superwoman Act: </span></strong><span>Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less-than-optimal level for a period of time. You may not be as productive at work or care for others exactly the way you are accustomed to&#8212;and that is okay. You need time to heal, regroup, and re-energize. I called this time my &#8216;intentional alone time&#8217;.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Micro-Goals over Overwhelm: </span></strong><span>Divorce can feel like an unclimbable mountain. Break the process down into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on setting simple daily or weekly goals&#8212;like completing one page of paperwork, attending a therapy session, or having a single calm discussion with your ex. Achieving these small milestones builds momentum and gives you back a sense of accomplishment.</span></p></li></ul><h2><strong><span>2. Building Your Emotional Moat: Boundaries and Disengagement</span></strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong><span>Walk Away from the Fire: </span></strong><span>Avoid power struggles and arguments with your spouse or former spouse. If a discussion starts turning into a fight, calmly suggest that you both try talking again later and either walk away or hang up the phone.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Shift to Written Communication: </span></strong><span>If direct communication is too difficult or triggering, set strict boundaries around your discussions. Agree in advance on specific times to talk, or better yet, move entirely to written communication. This keeps interactions manageable, reduces emotional stress, and creates a &#8220;monument to the truth&#8221; that can be reviewed later.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Call in the Specialists: </span></strong><span>If communication remains impossible due to severe conflict or mental health challenges, do not force it. Consider using a co-parenting specialist or a divorce specialist to facilitate constructive, civil conversations.</span></p></li></ul><h2><strong><span>3. The Daily Rituals of Survival: Physical and Emotional Self-Care</span></strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong><span>Protect Your Body: </span></strong><span>Be good to your body because emotional trauma is deeply physical. Take time to exercise, eat well, and relax. Engage in physical activity or spend time in nature to help release physical tension.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Establish Calm Routines: </span></strong><span>Stick to your normal routines as much as possible to provide a sense of structure and normalcy. Incorporate small, daily well-being practices like meditation, journaling, or light exercise. Even short moments of calm can make a massive difference in reducing stress.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Avoid Major Life Shifts: </span></strong><span>Try not to make any major, life-altering decisions or changes in your plans during the first few months after a separation. Your focus needs to be on stabilization, not more disruption.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Say No to Numbing: </span></strong><span>Avoid using unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, or food to deal with your emotions. They are traps that only lead to more problems and prolong your healing.</span></p></li></ul><h2><strong><span>4. Don&#8217;t Battle in Isolation: Surrounding Yourself with Your Tribe</span></strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong><span>Share Your Weight: </span></strong><span>Talk openly about your feelings with trusted friends and family. Keeping your stress locked inside raises your stress levels, harms your concentration, and gets in the way of your overall health.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Find Your Communities: </span></strong><span>Consider joining dedicated support groups where you can share your thoughts and feelings with others in similar situations. Look for online or local communities like &#8220;Frolo&#8221; for single parents or &#8220;The Divorce Club&#8221; for separated individuals.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Seek Professional Sanctuary: </span></strong><span>Working with a therapist or counselor is a crucial step to gain a safe space to process your feelings and acquire coping tools tailored to your unique needs. If you are struggling to find a local counselor, start by contacting your GP, who can recommend free resources or other professionals who can help.</span></p></li></ul><h2><strong><span>5. Forging Your &#8220;New Normal&#8221;</span></strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong><span>Explore Your Own Interests: </span></strong><span>Take this time to reconnect with activities and hobbies you enjoy apart from your spouse. Sign up for a painting class, join a local sports team, volunteer, or invest in your old hobbies. It&#8217;s time to make new friends and enjoy life again.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Cultivate Flexible Expectations: </span></strong><span>Move forward with reasonable expectations and be flexible. If you have children, family traditions are still important, but some will need to be adjusted. Help create new, positive activities and routines.</span></p></li><li><p><strong><span>Be Patient with the Journey: </span></strong><span>Healing is not a straight line, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Be patient with yourself, give yourself permission to feel your emotions, and remember that rebuilding a beautiful life takes time.</span></p></li></ul><h2><strong><span>The Power of One Person</span></strong></h2><p><span>Navigating a divorce is an exhausting journey toward freedom, but your commitment to your mental health is the foundation of your recovery. You are rebuilding your reality, reclaiming your crown, and showing up as the stable foundation you and your family deserve. Keep moving forward; you are doing better than you think.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span>* * *</span></p><p><em><span>Steffie Jean-Lee is a survivor of domestic abuse and coercive control. She is the founder of SJL C.E.O Society and has a personal mission to share her testimony with  who othersmay be lost in the fog of abusive relationships and employment. All advice given on this platform is meant to encourage survivors to educate and free themselves of their trauma, while encouraging recovery efforts.<br></span></em></p><p></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/you-werent-crazy-but-divorce-will/comments&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Leave a comment&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/you-werent-crazy-but-divorce-will/comments"><span>Leave a comment</span></a></p><p><em><span><br></span><strong><span>If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith &#8212; it is an act of courage and wisdom.<br><br>God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available.<br><br>You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.<br>If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.</span></strong></em></p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Steffie&#8217;s C.E.O Survivors- 'Crowned, Empowered,Overcomers' is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email&#8230;" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Protecting Your Kids in the divorce storm, someone has to be the adult, right?]]></title><description><![CDATA[Most children in high-conflict homes where parents stay married often fare worse than those whose parents get divorced.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/protecting-your-kids-in-the-divorce</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/protecting-your-kids-in-the-divorce</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 20 Jul 2026 14:03:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg" width="801" height="599" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:599,&quot;width&quot;:801,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:197583,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/i/207704405?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eX62!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F951a07a2-c509-41a6-89d0-94e5a74e7a1e_801x599.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h3></h3><p><span>Divorcing a toxic or narcissistic partner is more than a legal transition; it is a battle for your reality. I know what it feels like to walk on eggshells for years, developing a &#8220;small library of li&#8230;</span></p>
      <p>
          <a href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/protecting-your-kids-in-the-divorce">
              Read more
          </a>
      </p>
   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You'll regret not keeping proof of your abuse, protect your future self with receipts. ]]></title><description><![CDATA[I feel like abuse victims often end up &#8220;leaping&#8221; from one abuse event to another, and their brain eventually starts to &#8216;swiss-cheese&#8217;.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/youll-regret-not-keeping-proof-of</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/youll-regret-not-keeping-proof-of</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 13 Jul 2026 14:01:46 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span>In the mid-90s, there was a TV show called Quantum Leap. The main character was a savant genius doctor that invented time travel, allowing him to hop between other people&#8217;s lives and change something that happened to them. Great concept, only the side effects he would have from it was a &#8220;swiss-cheese&#8221; memory, not being able to remember every experience he had from one life to the next, or even who his own wife was. </span></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif" width="1200" height="632" 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!PQ9y!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20242194-0d84-4844-b5be-f826742d751d_1200x632.avif 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p></p><p><span>Using this analogy, I feel like abuse victims often end up &#8220;leaping&#8221; from one abuse event to another, and their brain eventually starts to &#8216;swiss-cheese&#8217;. I found it harder and harder to keep up with how many goal post changes and redirects I got from my ex, which really set into my ability to recall each problem easily.  My overall feelings were of course bad, but when I&#8217;d try to recall the specifics, sometimes it was hard.</span></p><p><span>Abuse normally starts the same for many of us.  It starts with the love-bombing, the hoovering, the promises made. Your abuser puts the best bait on the hook and let&#8217;s just face it, we all fell for it.  But once they are in, the next phase of control is almost always the same in every story, the emotional abuse begins.  This is the most sneaky of them in my opinion, because you almost need another level of abuse to happen to highlight how far you have fallen emotionally.</span></p><p><span>When I think about this, it makes me angry and sad at the same time.  Because I have to wonder how in the world could I have gotten to the point of feeling so dead inside without seeing how each piece was taken?  Think about how many times you were forgiving despite being called out your name? Do you walk on eggshells, afraid to say things that will cause a fight? Hard to admit this but, I had developed a small library of lies that I would rotate, just to keep the peace, I know I&#8217;m not alone in this. If you find yourself having to manufacture the environment to keep the peace&#8230;.you may be in the midst of emotional abuse.</span></p><div><hr></div><p></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, 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srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1563890875976-8c8375c2621e?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxN3x8cmVjZWlwdHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODM5MDI1NDR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p></p><p><span>So here is the thing, how do we show receipts for THIS specific type of very private, very hard to prove abuse in a divorce when your memory isn&#8217;t dependable? I&#8217;m not going to say that I have the answers to this. But rather, I encourage you to do everything in your power to TRY and get a record of what is happening to you. And even if it doesn&#8217;t have a specific place in the legal system, sometimes it is not exactly about the judge seeing things your way, it is more about proving to the rest of the world (AND YOURSELF) that it wasn&#8217;t just a nightmare, it actually happened. Because here is the other bite, our world has systematically oppressed whistleblowers, so getting people to believe and empathize with you, especially when the abuser is a man, is an uphill battle.</span></p><p><span>I started keeping track of things that were happening to me a few years before things really fell apart. Was it for the purpose of using it in court? Not really, it was more for the proof of sanity that I needed. </span><em><strong><span>Was I really forgetting that much? Was I as bad as he was saying I was? Didn&#8217;t I remember him saying that thing?</span></strong></em></p><p><span> Learning how to discreetly turn my microphone recorder on my phone set me up to have more than enough receipts to validate what I had been through with my ex.  When I had my collapse at the end of the marriage, I was able to play these recordings for my friends and family to prove that the stories I was telling were not just me being dramatic. I was actually hurting from real damage.</span></p><p><span>Privacy laws are sketchy depending on what state you live in. Some states don&#8217;t allow recordings in legal cases unless all parties know about it. Some states, like mine, allow one party consent. Basically, this means that at least one of the people in the recording needed to be aware it was happening. However, in most cases you cannot USE the recording in court for divorce proceedings.  This really stung, like a lot. Because I had so many admissions by him recorded.</span></p><p></p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Quiet Exit: Preparing For Your Divorce from an Abuser]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#8220;Family law attorneys report that clients who wait too long routinely express regret in waiting too long, wishing they had acted sooner and been better prepared&#8221;]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-quiet-exit-preparing-for-your</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/the-quiet-exit-preparing-for-your</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2026 14:01:38 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1588217885773-2f27c9c3b1c2?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxfHxlc2NhcGUlMjBwbGFufGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MzI4NzQwNnww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><span>You&#8217;ve known for a long time that this wasn&#8217;t working.  You&#8217;ve made excuse after excuse for how you got here, but now it is time to make a move. But let me tell you, getting out is NOT something you &#8230;</span></p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[F.E.A.R, Seeing through the narc behind the curtain ]]></title><description><![CDATA[......what did she see when I spoke with her about my marriage issues&#8230; &#8220;......Fear&#8230;. Intense Fear in your eyes&#8221;]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/fear-seeing-through-the-narc-behind</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/fear-seeing-through-the-narc-behind</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 29 Jun 2026 14:02:44 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!S_As!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcb010fda-520d-4a41-a951-dbe90ecf4e8a_630x630.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong><span>Fear : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger</span></strong></p><p><span>Thank you Webster for such a dainty definition of Fear, but I think it is definitely lacking the robust meaning &#8230;</span></p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Your skills in detecting toxic behavior will grant you peace]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#8220;I had to start counting the amount of times I made excuses for bad behavior&#8230;. By then, I&#8217;d already lost the war on toxic&#8221;]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/your-skills-in-detecting-toxic-behavior</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/your-skills-in-detecting-toxic-behavior</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 22 Jun 2026 14:02:34 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1555699875-5773b06e8ee2?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxfHx0b3hpYyUyMHBvaXNvbnxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODIwOTI1MjB8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p></p><p><span>There is nothing more frustrating than having someone ask you a question like, &#8220;Why didn&#8217;t you xyz to stop them from doing abc?&#8221;  And after some angry outbursts, I realized they were actually right. &#8230;</span></p></blockquote>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How Narcissistic Christian Abuse Distorts a Woman's View of Herself and God]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#8220;God hates Divorce&#8221;, which made me feel like the devil for wanting to get away from this man. If he claimed Christ, why did he treat me this way?]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-narcissistic-christian-abuse</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-narcissistic-christian-abuse</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 15 Jun 2026 14:01:07 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1641491915601-747098b0d511?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw0NXx8aG9wZWxlc3MlMjBpbiUyMGNodXJjaHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODEzNzY3ODB8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Spiritual Abuse&#8230;.in my opinion, is the absolute worst kind there is.  While I know some may disagree, I think the demoralizing of someone&#8217;s relationship with God is the core to all of the other forms&#8230;</p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Who Am I Now? Rediscovering Your Identity After Domestic Abuse]]></title><description><![CDATA[I woke up to realize that he had programmed me to be just like him&#8230;.and I didn't recognize myself anymore.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/who-am-i-now-rediscovering-your-identity</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/who-am-i-now-rediscovering-your-identity</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2026 14:02:58 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" width="396" height="611.4705882352941" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:6720,&quot;width&quot;:4352,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:396,&quot;bytes&quot;:null,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;a woman sitting on a stool holding a mirror&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:null,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a woman sitting on a stool holding a mirror" title="a woman sitting on a stool holding a mirror" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1711954162854-baa6c51de9d9?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxNHx8YmxhY2slMjB3b21hbiUyMGluJTIwbWlycm9yfGVufDB8fHx8MTc4MDg4MjU1NHww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"></figcaption></figure></div><p></p><p>At about year 10, right after the twins were born, I noticed dark circles forming under my eyes. I had been looking at myself in the mirror all my life and this was definitely something new. At first&#8230;</p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Navigating a Narcissist’s “Flying Monkeys”]]></title><description><![CDATA[The truth is, flying monkeys are entirely willing to buy into the narcissist&#8217;s illogical thinking, pass along gossip, and openly support the mistreatment of the narcissist&#8217;s targets.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/navigating-a-narcissists-flying-monkeys</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/navigating-a-narcissists-flying-monkeys</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 01 Jun 2026 14:03:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" width="520" height="346.76850763807283" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:3405,&quot;width&quot;:5106,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:520,&quot;bytes&quot;:null,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;A monkey that is flying through the air&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:null,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="A monkey that is flying through the air" title="A monkey that is flying through the air" srcset="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 424w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 848w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1272w, https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1727002751008-4be24bce886b?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxMXx8Zmx5aW5nJTIwbW9ua2V5c3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3ODAwODgyMzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"></figcaption></figure></div><p>Let&#8217;s be real for a second: dealing with a covert narcissist is exhausting all on its own. But the absolute wildest part? The realization that they rarely work alone.</p><p>Most of us know &#8220;flying monkeys&#8221; &#8230;</p>
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          <a href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/navigating-a-narcissists-flying-monkeys">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How to approach money in marriage, after financial abuse]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#8216;We weren't combining much of anything, in fact, none of our household debt was in joint names. Our system was to solely rely on my credit score and my income, with him being in control and ordering w]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-to-approach-money-in-marriage</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-to-approach-money-in-marriage</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 25 May 2026 14:01:59 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1593182440959-9d5165b29b59?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1OXx8bW9uZXklMjBhbmQlMjBtYXJyaWFnZXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3Nzk1ODc3MDN8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>When you have survived financial abuse, money carries a heavy emotional weight. You might be staring at a stack of shared bills wondering how couples actually merge their lives without losing themsel&#8230;</p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[I was married to a narcissistic gold digger, how did I not know?]]></title><description><![CDATA[When you&#8217;ve been through the emotional and financial wringer like I have, you quickly realize that financial exploitation in relationships is very real, and it&#8217;s a profoundly damaging form of abuse.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/i-was-married-to-a-narcissistic-gold</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/i-was-married-to-a-narcissistic-gold</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 18 May 2026 14:01:45 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1624365168898-1f7189831f41?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxOHx8Z29sZHxlbnwwfHx8fDE3Nzg4MTQ5OTR8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>I used to think &#8220;gold diggers&#8221; only existed in catchy hip-hop songs or bad reality TV. I certainly never thought I would become the victim of one. But when you&#8217;ve been through the emotional and finan&#8230;</p>
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          <a href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/i-was-married-to-a-narcissistic-gold">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[I should have asked for a prenup....and you should too! ]]></title><description><![CDATA[If I ever had a time-machine, and could fix just one thing in my past, it would be to tell my younger self to never marry that man without a prenup.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/i-should-have-asked-for-a-prenupand</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/i-should-have-asked-for-a-prenupand</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 11 May 2026 14:02:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!j3Ui!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0afff76c-bd1b-4e5d-a6f3-bd0f60ce15a7_4210x2807.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Prenuptial Agreements. Wow, has the stigma behind this subject gotten pretty bad? But, ladies, I am here to tell you&#8230; and listen carefully&#8230;. YOU&#8230;NEED&#8230;A PRENUP.  Period.  And let&#8217;s take it a bit furth&#8230;</p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Are you being financially abused? How to recognize it ]]></title><description><![CDATA[Financial abuse is not always about the withholding of money; sometimes it is about being imprisoned because someone has made you into a resource.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/are-you-being-financially-abused</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/are-you-being-financially-abused</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 04 May 2026 14:03:17 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1553729459-efe14ef6055d?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1fHxtb25leXxlbnwwfHx8fDE3Nzc0ODI0MzV8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Bucks, cash, racks, bread, cheddar&#8230;&#8230;.. Money. The value of money in a relationship, particularly a marriage, makes it a tool for control that often exceeds even sex. So it is no surprise that relatio&#8230;</p>
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          <a href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/are-you-being-financially-abused">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How to break the habit of rumination]]></title><description><![CDATA[He had lived rent-free off me for our entire marriage&#8230; and now I was letting him live rent-free in my mind. I learned the hard way that ruminating over what happened was keeping me in a mental prison.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-to-break-the-habit-of-rumination</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-to-break-the-habit-of-rumination</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 27 Apr 2026 14:01:48 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg" width="1456" height="971" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:971,&quot;width&quot;:1456,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:4893917,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/i/195491582?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!lY5-!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7bbe8a41-12bb-4135-85f7-4806363d216e_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2><strong>DEFINE RUMINATION</strong></h2><p>Rumination, by definition, is a repetitive, intrusive, and negative cycle of thinking centered on past circumstances or uncertainty about future events. This habit is often linked to&#8230;</p>
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          <a href="https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-to-break-the-habit-of-rumination">
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How I Handled Mutual Friendships After Divorce — Without Losing Myself]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#8220;I don&#8217;t know what to do. I love you both.&#8221;]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-i-handled-mutual-friendships</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-i-handled-mutual-friendships</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 26 Apr 2026 23:16:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg" width="1400" height="933" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:933,&quot;width&quot;:1400,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:null,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:null,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:null,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xwCx!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72c5a7a5-dcc7-49aa-a4b7-d8127785b0bc_1400x933.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>When I decided to end my marriage, I expected heartbreak. I expected the long nights, the tough conversations, the paperwork, and, most obviously, my ex's reaction.<br>But what I didn&#8217;t expect was how complicated things would get with our mutual friends.</p><p>No one talks about that part &#8212; how divorce doesn&#8217;t just separate two people; it ripples outward. It touches everyone who&#8217;s been a part of your life &#8212; people who have celebrated your ups and downs, your happiness and your tragedies.<br>For me, that meant a lot of people I loved suddenly felt awkward around me. Some disappeared. Others didn&#8217;t know what to say. Some had hurtful opinions. And some? I&#8217;ll never know how they feel because we haven&#8217;t spoken.</p><p>At first, I felt abandoned all over again. I needed my friendship circle more than ever and expected them to just roll with the punches.<br>But then I started to look at it differently.</p>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Protecting my energy while healing from a narcissist ]]></title><description><![CDATA[Healing is a 24/7/365 event. Every experience can challenge your ability to hold things together and keep moving forward in your healing journey.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/protecting-my-energy-while-healing</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/protecting-my-energy-while-healing</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 20 Apr 2026 13:03:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!I-e7!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77f5718d-f0e1-40a1-9b0d-ea15342c603b_3264x4928.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How Journaling Helped Save me from going back ]]></title><description><![CDATA[When I was a teenager, my diary was my place to express myself, and feel like I had a space that was just mine. I was grateful when God reminded me to start writing when my marriage was dying.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-journaling-helped-save-me-from</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-journaling-helped-save-me-from</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2026 14:03:39 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg" width="1456" height="971" data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:971,&quot;width&quot;:1456,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:912630,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://steffiejeanlee.substack.com/i/193650411?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sGd8!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9b2aa7e9-c49e-486d-b52d-98297f1151f0_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg aria-hidden="true" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>One way to deal with overwhelming emotions is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:</p><ul><li><p>Manage anxiety</p></li><li><p>Redu&#8230;</p></li></ul>
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   ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How I new habits helped me heal from narcissistic abuse]]></title><description><![CDATA[Humans are creatures of habit. Anything we are exposed to regularly becomes part of our personality, whether we intend it or not. This includes our experiences in abusive relationships.]]></description><link>https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-i-new-habits-helped-me-heal-from</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.steffiejeanlee.com/p/how-i-new-habits-helped-me-heal-from</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Steffie Jean-Lee]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 06 Apr 2026 14:01:05 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!rzD-!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F803ae9dd-c0b5-4b39-bd04-f39a47a6ed35_5067x3378.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>I was married to my narcissistic husband for a total of 15 years. Of course, as his wife, it was expected that I would know him intimately. Besides knowing his favorite foods or the names of his frie&#8230;</p></blockquote>
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