Navigating a Narcissist’s “Flying Monkeys”
The truth is, flying monkeys are entirely willing to buy into the narcissist’s illogical thinking, pass along gossip, and openly support the mistreatment of the narcissist’s targets.
Let’s be real for a second: dealing with a covert narcissist is exhausting all on its own. But the absolute wildest part? The realization that they rarely work alone.
Most of us know “flying monkeys” as the creepy minions from The Wizard of Oz who did whatever the Wicked Witch of the West commanded. But if you have ever survived a toxic relationship or family dynamic, you know that flying monkeys are very real—and they don’t have wings. In the real world, flying monkeys are the blind loyalists, enablers, and groupies who hang around the narcissist and do their bidding.
I had my own taste of flying monkey attacks, from just a few of the so-called “friends”. Side note, these friends don’t really make an effort to keep contact with me today. I’m merely taking a stab at it but, I’m guessing it is because they were “Our Friends” not “my Friends”.... And that kinda sucks.
Some of these people were just being nosy, curious as to what was happening in my house and why. Others were actually playing ‘phone tag’ between me and my ex, asking many dumb and intrusive questions. They worked hard to try and convince me that God wanted me to work it out and he wasn’t that bad of a guy….which was laughable to me.
Who Are These People?
You might find yourself wondering how perfectly normal people get sucked into the narcissist’s web. The truth is, flying monkeys are entirely willing to buy into the narcissist’s illogical thinking, pass along gossip, and openly support the mistreatment of the narcissist’s targets.
Experts actually refer to these enablers as “mini narcissists”. They lack analytical thinking and empathy, preferring not to give themselves a headache by questioning the toxic behavior right in front of them. Instead, they operate on a highly hierarchical mindset—they figure out who the “general” is, and they service that person to stay in their favor.
Sometimes, flying monkeys are manipulating family members or friends who think they are being helpful. Covert narcissists are incredibly skilled at playing the victim, subtly planting seeds of doubt with innocent-sounding phrases like, “I just want what’s best,” or “I’m trying, but they make it so difficult”.
The Hidden Trauma
Having someone you love turn against you is one of the most painful tactics in covert narcissism. Over time, you can find yourself feeling incredibly isolated and completely abandoned by those closest to you.
Family members often align with the narcissist simply because it is easier to accept a twisted narrative than to face a painful reality. But being on the receiving end of this betrayal is devastating. In fact, this specific type of isolation and manipulation can actually trigger or deepen Complex PTSD (CPTSD), eroding your self-worth and your ability to trust others.
How to Protect Your Peace
If you are dealing with a narcissist and their recruited flying monkeys, you have to prioritize your own mental health. Here is how you can start taking your power back:
Set Hard Boundaries: Limit what you share with anyone aligned with the narcissist. Remember, not everyone deserves access to your inner life.
Detach Emotionally: Narcissists and their loyalists thrive on getting an emotional reaction out of you. By responding with calm clarity and minimal details, you strip away their power.
Join “Team Healthy”: Embrace your independence, even if it means you end up on the outside of their toxic club looking in. Stand up for dignity, respect, and civility, and choose to simply opt out of their games.
Healing from this kind of betrayal requires community and genuine support. Seek out friends and allies who truly understand your journey and won’t be swayed by someone else’s manipulation.
Have you ever had to deal with a flying monkey? Drop your experiences in the comments below—let’s remind each other that we aren’t crazy, and we definitely aren’t alone.
If you are experiencing domestic violence or emotional abuse, please remember that seeking safety is not a failure of faith — it is an act of courage and wisdom.
God does not call you to remain in harm. Support and protection are available.
You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.
I think it's important to consider that not all flying monkeys are ill-intentioned. In fact, I'd be willing to bet most are not, but instead are being abused or manipulated themselves into "keeping the peace" or otherwise trying to maintain the status quo so they do not have to endure the abuser's ire/lash.